Sunday, June 7, 2009

My heart is heavy today. Circumstances sometimes throw you a curve ball and you have no choice but to play the game to the best of your ability, even so, that does not eliminate the occasional moment of despair. I gain strength from the scripture that tells me that 'He' will make weak things become strong, his grace is sufficient for all men that come unto him. I hold on to that thought with a fervent grasp. It is in moments like this that I have a very minuscule feeling of my Saviors sacrifice for me as he suffered in the garden. A deep and throbbing agony comes from the very core of my soul as I think of the pain I caused this most perfect being and 'his' willingness to feel that pain--all because he loves me. How grateful I am to be loved like that.

Oh that I might follow his example and love that way.

Each day reminds me of my own fumbling mortality, of my own weakness, and I despair at my sheer incompetence. We are here to walk with one another to lighten one anther's load and I have had my load carried more then once by those around me. My gratitude is most times lacking and I have never shared the feeling of love with those around me as often as I should. But it doesn't mean that I don't feel those things, I do, and I keep making the same resolution over and over again to do better, to be better, only to break it at the most important moments.

As I face another sabbath the very essence of the day has given me new resolve to do and be and become the person that I am needed to be. And I am grateful to be given that chance, oh how grateful I am for that.

To those of you that have been given to me as a gift, I Love You All, very very much! You give me hope and love and I am most grateful.

4 comments:

J+S said...

Roxanne, what can I do to lighten your load?

J+S said...

Roxanne, thank you for your sweet comment. Please know that I'm serious...if you need anything, please let me know.

Momza said...

You know we all feel this way time to time. I am so much harder on myself than anyone else. Be gentle on yourself.

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

what a heart-felt and honest post. It touched me.

I miss visiting your blog. I have to admit I have not dropped by for a while. A couple of times awhile back I clicked on your link from my reader and I got frozen out, so I gave up and then I went on an extended blog break. But I'm glad I came by tonight.