Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Journal Entry

I live in a beautiful place. The mountains surround me in their protective embrace, the blue of the lake water is visible from my porch. There are trees and green and flowers that encompass my life. My life is good, so very, very good. But for every lovely and celestial thing that abounds, there are also shadows and corners that light never seems to penetrate. Some of my family relationships are caught in those deep recesses of lightlessness.

I have a brother, only one mind you, younger then me, and he and I have never really had more then a casual relationship. He is married, with children, living not more then 7 miles from where I am typing, and we see each other only rarely. He is a good man, and I am a good person, and yet we have never met on common ground to share those things that we share due to the blood that runs through both of our veins. It makes me stop sometimes and think, what would my life be like if he were a more prevalent part of it, what would his be like. He called me on my birthday, to wish me a Happy Birthday and I was shocked and very pleasantly surprised. It not only brought a sting of tears to my eyes but a feeling of wonder that he thinks of me at important moments in my life.

I also have a sister, a dear, talented sister. She lives many miles from me and has had her share of difficulties, challenges and sadness in her life. We have recently had a gulf develop between us, a gulf of anger and miscommunication and selfishness. It appears to be taking on a life of its own and making it so difficult to bridge the growing darkening abyss that separates us. I am challenged by my 'Natural Man' and my need for my version of justice, but as with my brother she too shares the blood of our fathers that courses through our veins. We are not only siblings, we are tied together for the eternities, and I am so grateful for that. I long for the resolution and contentment and the light that comes with forgiveness and forgiving. We need to disolve the idea of 'sides' and become one together.

My job is to resolve my own issues and love without guile. I am thankful for the strength that comes not from within myself but from a Saviour that suffered all that I feel and did it willingly. He made it possible for there to be a 'second chance' to do things right. I am so eternally grateful and indebted for his sacrifice. And oh so grateful for another day to make amends, fix something broken, learn to appreciate, feel love and light.

1 comment:

Momza said...

tender thoughts indeed. Because I am not particularly close to my parents and only mildly close to 2 of 4 brothers, I long too for better relationships with them all, but have come to realize it takes both sides to make any relationship work.
Knowing this doesn't make it easy, but easier. Thanks for sharing your heart today.